###### I had a very interesting talk with someone about self-confidence. The talk brought some more thoughts to my mind when I got a hard time trying to sleep last night. I feel like that it worth to take some time for me to share these thoughts with my dear friends here. I hope this can trigger some good discussions and all of us can benefit from the discussions. ---- Bobby, 08/08/2006 ######
Like most Chinese people, we were never told to be very aggresive in our lives. We were taught to be self-constrained and respect others, especially older people. One by-product of this respect-education is that we tend to be less confident, because we have not had many chances to show or express our capabilities of doing good jobs, playing good games, and loving the lovables.
Living in this country for so many years, we have seen enough examples that our fellow Chinese colleagues, certainly including me myself, missed tons of opportunities due to the lack of self-confidence. We are not aggresively promote our achievements in our work; we are not confident that we are attractive to other people as a man/woman, or a humanbeing; We are not willing to take chances and responsibilities, ..., and so on. Eventually, we've got to realize that we are able to enjoy a better life, both in work places and in personal environments, if and only if we can be more self-confident.
Now if you agree with me on this, you may ask the question how we can change our attitude and be more self-confident. This is a tough question, and there is no right or wrong answer here. But here are some of my thoughts and I would like to hear yours as well. If you feel not confident on your work place, you may overcome this by asking the question "why am I here, not someone else?" You were hired by someone who definitely believed that you could do a better job than others. So why you yourself don't agree with him/her? We know that a lot of Chinese people, with little engineering or even science background, got into the IT/CS business as engineers during the dot-com days. Most of them are doing very well. They might not be experts at first, but by devoting their efforts to the job, they became experts. So what else you need to convince yourself that you can do a better job? We should admit that there are a lot of smart people out there, maybe all around our own group/team. But you can think it in this way: If I am not an outstanding person, I would not have chance to be a member of this group. Does this make you feel a little better?
In personal life, people may feel less confident in dealing with others, especially when we are talking about love and marriage. Boys and Girls over 30 (you can say men/women if don't like my wording :-) tend to think they are not as attractive as younger people, and therefore are placed in an inferior position in seeking the other half of life. Come on, age isn't something that important in love. We might have missed some good ones when we were young due to different reasons, maybe just a pure timing issue. But nothing is too late unless you give it up. One specific item I would bring out here is about female PhD's. I totally disagree with the idea of the third "female PhD" sex. This idea is really disgusting (if you are not taking it as a joke). Most female PhD's are smart, sincere, kind-minded, and as attractive as non-PhD's. I believe a lot of good men out here will agree with me on this. They will not hesitate in pursuing a PhD as their GF or wife. So don't be self-depressed just because you are so highly achieved in your career.
To those who are not confident about his/her appearance, I would say nobody is perfect. Your attitude can greatly improve your appearance if you really care about it (who does not, haha). Like it's said, if you feel you are pretty/handsome, you will be - maybe not today, but tomorrow. So how about doing this, every morning when you get up, tell your self: I am pretty/handsome, and attractive. I bet you will feel the difference.
I have to admit that it is easier when you talk about something than actually do it. But we can do it day by day, week by week, month by month. And there is nothing to lose.
So be confident, boys and girls. You are THE MAN/WOMAN !